Your Potato, Your Majesty
by StaleCookie
Summary: Someone always there to care for your every whim, sounds nice doesn't it? But it doesn't really come in handy when you have a sudden craving for a potato... Minor GaaraxOC


**Disclaimer/Claimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters/settings. But Rei is an original creation from my peculiar mind! **

She shifted her weight bored senseless from side-to-side in the spacious sparsely furnished room.

A crimson haired man was scribbling over pieces of paperwork hastily and replacing them parallel to a mound labeled "Sunakugare Paperwork." His countenance unfazed by the infinite amount of work required for him to complete.

"Rei, What is it?" The Kazekage peered at her from the corner of his eye.

She ran a thin finger through her charcoal colored hair. What exactly enticed him to this monotonous career? Sitting in an oversized chair (albeit it was awfully comfortable) filing endless barrages of white sheets of paper, and battling the most formidable of opponents to preserve the country's pride. Quite a lot to be resting on one's shoulders. The total fate of random strangers lives entrusted to one person must have been overbearing. Oh well. Not her problem.

But she was in a sticky situation. Promises were something she _seldom_ consented to, they were too difficult to remember and too often led to trouble. Nevertheless, the rare instances where she did concede to accepting, she followed them through with every grain and fiber in her body.

It was such a long time ago it almost felt like she was a different soul in those first few years of her life, but it was still etched in her heart. She had promised to her closest guardian that if there was a time when someone saved her life, it was her duty to become their faithful and loyal servant. Nothing could be worth more than her existence and it was the only way to repay their kindness. Not her opinion, but he, unfortunately managed to choke it out as his one dying wish.

She never expected to have a savior for she fended for herself by adopting a policy of isolationism. In spite of her wariness, the Kazekage had rescued her from a blazing forest fire while she had been blissfully napping. She almost wished he had let her body become incinerated.

Now it was _very_likely that she could have been stuck with worse, but still lesson learned.

Never agree to promises even if there from an expiring person.

The Kazekage swiveled slowly on his chair and nudged her gently in the arm, jolting her out of her regretful reverie.

"Rei? What are you staring at?" He deadpanned expressionless.

"Hm? Sorry Kazekage-dono…Is there anything I can help with?" she forced a sheepish grin.

His thin lips curved into a frown. "Don't call me that. Call me just Kazekage or Gaara. And you know, you can leave if you want to."

"Nope, Afraid I can't. Not until I can return the favor." She narrowed her eyes. "And don't even think about faking a dangerous situation."

He merely shrugged. "Okay…well, you can help organize these medical files on shinobis. Just list them in alphabetical order." Gaara pointed with his index finger to where all the names were neatly printed.

Hm…seemed easy enough. How hard could rearranging papers be?

She bit her lip nervously at the thought of deciphering the alien language. Maybe it had not occurred to Gaara that she was illiterate. Spending most of her days lounging on trees and aimlessly strolling around, the motivation to read and write was non-existent. She noticed that some names, which all looked like sloppy scribbles to her were less cluttered than others. Maybe alphabetizing meant from least strokes to most strokes? Eh…why not give it a shot?

After about twenty minutes, Gaara became slightly more observant. How long could a simple task of organizing take? Not more than a few minutes at the most.

He eyed the dark haired girl skeptically.

"Hey…You done yet?"

Frustrated clear grey orbs met his teal blue eyes.

"Mhmm, Yea I think so." She replied slowly.

She handed him the papers rubbing the back of her head awkwardly. His eyes quickly skimmed the papers while simultaneously twitching his left eye in irritation. It took this long and they were still this crappily organized? In fact they were probably better off before he gave her the task.

"Ahh…Never mind you can do something else.."

She chuckled uncertainly. "Sorry… What else do you want me to do?"

He tapped a pale finger pensively on his chin. "Hmm…Get me a potato."

Her metallic eyes tinted with disbelief. A potato? A bit random. But it appeared easy enough.

"Hai." She shook her head curtly before gracefully leaping out of the window.

_Where the hell is that girl? Does it take that long to buy a potato? _

Speaking of the devil, Rei suddenly emerged in front of Gaara's desk in a puff of smoke.

"Yo." Came her terse answer.

"What took you so long?" he grumbled irritably.

"It's actually more difficult than you think for to go potahto shopping." She stated matter-o-factly.

He toyed with a loose strand of his unruly scarlet hair. "Of course silly me. And its not pot_ah_to its pot_ay_to."

Rei rolled her steel grey eyes, but produced two Yukon Gold potatoes from the palm of her hand.

Gaara widened his eyes incredulously. "No! Not Yukon gold potaytos! I only like the regular brown kind."

"Hmph. There's no classification of potahtoes. They all taste the same right?" She stroked her cheek while contemplating. "Besides, there was something off with the brown potahtoes."

"And what could that be?"

She stared past his figure as if reliving the experience.

"Well…For one, they were oddly shaped. And smelled _horrendous_ not potahto like at all. You know you should really check what people try to pass as food, 'cause you know it's not that hard to jus-"

He stood up abruptly to cup her mouth. "Okay! Okay! Too much information. Let's just eat them."

Rei brusquely lifted his hand off her mouth and proceeded to split one of the potatoes. Being a shinobi, exerting the exact amount of energy should have been cake, but why the hell was this potato so…_hard_?

She murmured some incomprehensible words before Gaara reached under his overcoat and drew out a kunai. The petite girl quirked an eyebrow the identical color as her dark hair.

"Just use this to cut the potato" He offered her the kunai.

"Hmm? You know blood probably got on that before."

"Yea…It's a knife… to kill people…"

"Well haven't you ever thought about all the diseases you could probably get? I mean one of the three ways to get HIV is through blood to blood contact, and you probably used that kunai to kill a lot of "dirty" senile old men spending their nights on alcohol and strippers right? And since you're using that to carve open a pota-"

He leaned forward to cover her mouth with his hand once again. "_Thank you_ for enlightening me with that pleasant information."

First item on his to-do list tomorrow:

Decree a law stating that all projectile devices/ weapons now must all be sterilized very_very_, meticulously.

And this specific kunai needed to be reduced to ashes.

She beamed innocently. "Just thought you would want to know. Anyways, I don't even think this is a potahto it feels too _hard_ and now that I look at it, it's rather unusually shaped…."

A slight tremor traveled its way through Gaara's spine.

"Ew. Don't tell me. Just throw it out." He stated briskly.

She knocked the "potato" against his desk in response. "Hey, it's not err..._waste_ if that's what you're thinking." She chipped a fingernail against its rough surface. "See, it's just a rock…with gold cheap paint." A smile scraped her lips as she watched the Kazekage's skeptic expression.

"Right …Just throw it out." He murmured after a few moments.

"Mkay." Rei promptly chucked it out the window and picked up the second potato.

Gaara's sea-green eyes enlarged in disbelief. "Did you just throw that out the window?!?"

"Yup."

"What if you hit someone?"

"Ahh…The most they would get would probably be a slight concussion and it's not like_you_ will get sued for it."

He glared at her for her lack of consideration. "That's not what I meant."

She craned her neck towards the glassless opening. "Oh well. I didn't hear any blood-curdling screams."

The Kazekage sighed. Potatoes just might have been a too complex vegetable. He would ask for corn next time. Corn was perfectly innocent and pure right? Or he would probably just request someone else to satisfy his vegetation needs. "Fine, let's just assume your right."

Rei nodded absentmindly poking the second potato. "What's with this one? It's so soft and squishy, and a few shades of brown lighter than the first one."

Once again, a shiver crawled up and down Gaara's back.

"Please don't tell me…"

Second item on his to-do list tomorrow:

Hire food inspectors to examine all food items very, _very _meticulously.

She brushed her long hair out of her eyes while suppressing laughter. "Nahh. You simply have a sick mind. I think it's just rotten." Squeezing the potato softly it exploded into lemon-colored mush, clinging to her hands and dripping onto the office floor.

Rei wrinkled her nose vaguely stunned. "Ew. This reeks."

Her hand extended out the window and she wrung her hand out vigorously.

"Tch" The burgundy haired boy narrowed his eyes. "What if you that gets on someone's head?"

"Don't worry. They'll probably think it was some birds' 'present' and no one can get sued for that." She rotated around to face him. "Plus, we're technically fertilizing the earth with rotten potahtos! Making your sand higher quality…. And leading to you being stronger!"

He chuckled at her strange logic. "How many times do I have to say it? It's pot_ay_to not pot_ah_to.

She wiped her hands on her grey sweater before rolling her eyes at him. "Bleh, you and your classification of vegetables, it's all the same."

Gaara shook his head smirking. Rei's odd personality was frustrating yet strangely emitted a sense of comfort at the same time. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad having her around…

Rei gazed longingly out the accursed window. "Hey, Kazekage-dono. The moon's supposed to be pretty tonight. And since this whole potahto thing kinda didn't work out…you wanna watch the stars come out? I don't think I can screw that up."

He looked out the window at the pink and orange hues of the twilight, beginning to blend into the graying of nightfall. A tiny smile crawled up his lips. "Nah, you didn't screw anything up…too much. And watching the stars come out sounds real nice, but only if you stop calling me Kazekage-dono."

"Whatever you say Kazekage- _sama_."

Kankurou entered the building scowling and massaging his head muttering quietly to himself.

Temari sniffed the air in disgust the moment Kankurou stormed into the kitchen.

"Ew Kankurou you reek of rotten…potahtoes?"

He did not look up from rummaging through the freezer for an ice pack.

"I don't wanna talk about it." A short pause before his head bobbed up behind the door. "And its pot_ay_toes."

Kankurou left the house with high hopes of a beautiful, perfectly innocuous day. But sadly, pleasant days hated him as well.


End file.
